Posted by: wordofthevine | December 7, 2017

God…I Don’t Feel I Measure Up to Others!

I can sense that my perspectives are changing. On one hand, I feel happier with life, more peaceful than I can remember. On the other hand, I don’t see life as an unending expanse before me. Maybe it is because I am more mid-life or maybe it’s because I work as a chaplain confidant of people who have life limiting illnesses on a daily basis. I want make the moments of everyday to count for something. I guess I seek significant moments of connection with others to meet their needs and with life.

At the same time, I am aware on a daily basis that I can be quite critical of myself in what I say to myself. I can expect a lot more of myself than I do of others. I was walking today, trying to get my 10,000 steps in, when I started reflecting to myself, “Well, Mary, you certainly have not been very social this week. You have come home from work and plopped in the chair after dinner rather than phoning your friends.” I felt a sting of shame and turned to God. I asked God in the quiet of my heart, should I have been more generous and reached out to my friends more this week? What came to me was real! A memory surfaced when I was looking ahead to this week. I had thought about arranging a social event with our adult friends, when I remembered that our college aged kids were arriving home. I made the decision to be available to them rather than traipse out for dinner with our friends. God affirmed me by taking me to the core of my life calling and reminding me of my conscious decision to be available. God brings me back to the truth in me!  What about you? Do you sometimes feel that everybody else has a vast array of friends and social events? Can you relate to feeling like you don’t measure up to what others seem to be living? ~ Mary


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